This is me at my worse, but at the same time the very essence of who I am. Thank you Ben Howells for the photo. Surrounded by hundreds of dogs with my camera.
It is very hard to write this post. I keep thinking I should not do it, it's very embarrassing telling your problems to the whole world, it is easier to write a post about how much fun it's a hobby you enjoy or about your last vacation. Last time I did a post similar to what I am about to write I got a lot of encouragement from people as if I was feeling sorry for myself.
I want to be very clear, the reason I am writing this is to help other people who are suffering just like I did a year ago. It is to let them know there is hope, that things will not always be bad. Hopefully my experience can help someone. I remember looking online for help as I felt desperate to get out of the dark place I was. So being this said I will start my post.
A year ago I started having anxiety attacks again. Last time I had them was 10 years ago. It was horrible, I couldn't control myself, I would start panicking without reason, couldn't breathe properly, I would burst into tears without any reason either. Horrible thoughts came to my mind. I wanted to faint into an endless sleep, and wake up until everything was fixed that was wrong with me. I ate everything I could find near me. The anxiety was drowning me.
Today its going to be a year since that happened, and not too long ago I realized I am able to control my thoughts, control my anxiety and depression. How did I do it? It was not easy at all. And the first thing I want you to understand is that you might have the will to overcome things, and thats very important, if not the most important thing to get over it, but understand that you will never be able to do it alone. In my case I turned to God and to my family for help. If you don't believe in God thats alright, we all have different believes and thats alright. But what I want you to understand is that you need help from someone else. I reached out to my family, and my closest friends. They all played an important role in helping me overcome this.
First with the support of my dad I started going to a Therapist. It was hard to listen to what she had to say, but it was just what I needed to hear. She insisted on having me take antidepressants, but I refused, I asked her to please give me a chance to prove I could do something different and not take medication, and if it didn't work I would gladly take the medication. And so thats when I started exercising. I started boxing. My friends supported me and encouraged me to go everyday. whenever I had anxiety I just wanted to stay at home, but they called me and made me go exercise. This helped me so much, and my therapist noticed it was helping me overcome anxiety without the medication.
@crossfit502Newborn Guatemala
The second thing that helped me was realizing exercise calmed me and made the anxiety go away. I can no longer live a life where I am not active everyday. After boxing I started doing Crossfit again, and that has made me very happy in many ways. Crossfit brings people together, you gain a new family, who encourage you everyday to be a better person. It helps you believe in yourself and by achieving new things everyday you boost your self-esteem. I love it, and it is now a very important part of my life.
The third thing I learned is that there are many things I can do to control my anxiety. If I don't get enough sleep I will wake up with anxiety the next day. It's very important to get to know your body, and listen to what it needs to function well. In my case if I don't get enough sleep I wake up with a lot of anxiety. So I make sure I have enough sleep now. I also take care of what I eat. caffeine is very bad for me. I don't drink coffee, but there are other ways you can get caffeine. I avoid coke or any sodas with caffeine , and avoid chocolate. The funny thing is that whenever I feel anxious I crave chocolate, and little did I know I was feeding the anxiety even more when I would eat chocolate. So no chocolate for me. In general you need to take care of your body so your mind can also be well.
Fourth train your mind. Just like I train my body I need to train my mind. A week ago a got a thought in my head, and usually how anxiety starts for me is with a though, and that though I will repeat it in my mind over and over again until I get very anxious and end up depressed for a week or with an anxiety attack. The thought is always negative and makes me think bad about myself. A week ago that thought that came to my mind I repeated it twice and then I said, NO, I will not let this affect me, what ever happens will happen, I have no control over the future and I need to have faith that things will work out at the end. After I did that I realized I had achieved that, I had stoped the thought from turning into something worse. But that didn't happen from one day to another, it took a year of training my mind. It was not easy. Things like this take time, you need to be patient.
The fifth, very important, I have been praying so much for help to have strength to overcome my weakness. I rely on the Lord everyday, I pray to have strength, to have courage to be well to be the mum my son needs me to be, to carry on my responsibilities, not only as a mum but to myself and with my job. He helps me. Counting my many blessings also help. Having depression can make you look only at the negative things and also make things look worse than they are. Counting all the many blessing I have makes me snap out of that negative reality. And then I pray and give thanks for everything good in my life.
And last but not least, love yourself. Anxiety usually comes from wanting to control the future. If you trust in yourself, trust that you are enough, trust that you are a wonderful person and turn off whatever insecurities you might have, that will help you stop trying to control the future. Know you are a wonderful person, that you can achieve many great things. Love yourself.
So I hope this can help someone who is struggling with the same problem, know I am here if you need anything, I would gladly love to help in anyway I can. You can always DM me on instagram or leave a comment and I will get back to you. Overcoming anxiety and depression is not easy, don't try to do it alone. And understand it is not something that goes away either. I know this will always be there, maybe it won't affect me for other 10 years, but having overcome it twice helps me know I can overcome it again, hopefully I don't have to anymore. Even though I feel good now I have not stoped doing any of the things I told you helped me. I keep my family and friends close, I won't miss a day of exercise. I know I have to keep the sabbath day, so I will not go to crossfit, but I take my dog for a walk, I avoid staying up late and I watch what I eat. And I won't ever stop taking care of myself. I have learned to love myself, specially being a mother, I am responsible for taking care of my son. My depression and anxiety has never kept me from being a responsible mother, I have always put him first even if I don't feel like getting out of bed that day. I get up anyways because he comes first. But now I can be a happier mother and enjoy more my time with him. If you don't have that extra motivation, then know you are as important, you are someone son or daughter and you deserve being happy and well.